• 12:04 All life is art. What we call art is simply the manifestation of your life in a form that can be shared with people who aren't your friends. #
• 21:53 Headed up to the 16th and Mission open mic, thinking that it would be really nice if I had a sweetie waiting for me to kiss . . . #

Just a quick one to keep the momentum going :-)

As is, I think, common, I often have conflicting visions of Ideal Lives that fill my mind at various times. Recent examples:

1) After receiving $9/hour for a 5-hour tarot reading, I wondered if I could make a go of doing that as my contribution to the market economy around me. 8 readings of that sort a week would be the equivalent of a full-time job, earning me (at this point) $360 a week. If I could get my price up a few dollars and get more clients, it might be feasible logistically. An MFT I know once suggested I could charge as much as she does for my readings, which was at least $100/hr (I'm having trouble recalling the number she quoted). This has a bit of an appeal in the joy of an obviously or easily united life. That is, I'm not doing one thing for my actual life and another thing just to make money, something I despise. I do also enjoy holding space in that kind of way.

2) The Roving Poetry RV Caravan. Essentially an intentional community or co-op on wheels, this would be a truly bohemian life wandering the country, featuring and/or competing in poetry slams and the such whenever we needed money.

These two Ideal Lives, it would seem, are daydreams. The first would be difficult to arrange logistically and would likely prevent me from achieving the more idealistic elements of my Work, the parts I was directly challenged to enact by a friend of mine last month. The second could allow me to engage in those elements (unschooling/roadschooling), but would be even more difficult logistically and, despite my dreams and love of travel, I am, in the end, a Cancer -- domestic. I like a place I can sink my feet into, rather than the constant just-passing-through of a caravan (though that somehow makes the idea just all the more appealing . . .)

The problem, if there is one, is in something I said recently to a friend. It could possibly even be a magickal motto of mine, I suppose. "I have lived on the strength of my enthusiasm." Though I know these things are closer to daydreams than the Ideal Life I have been enumerating here, they don't feel like daydreams. I am too enthusiastic about them; my body reacts with an excited grin, the foot on the accelerator, and a "Hell Yeah" from my lips. That is not how I react to daydreams.

This brings up 2 questions concerning this vision work I've been doing: 1) The afore-mentioned question of greed: I try to reconcile the not-daydreamness of these ideas by continuously glomming them onto my Ideal Life, until said Ideal Life gets ridiculous, falls apart, and I have no Ideal Life until one stats to accumulate again. Damn, that's more insight into myself than I thought I had :-) This is a key element, perhaps, of my mood cycles and of my self-doubt and shaky confidence. No wonder I can never stick to working towards any particular Ideal Life or, hell, even daily project or daily sense of self. I should chew on this some more . . .

2) I seem to lack some sort of discernment in my visionwork. This is something of which I'd like to get to the bottom, actually. Why do I lack this discernment? I have no immediate answer (shock!); I wonder if anyone with an "outside" perspective has any insight?

Here's a third question: How is any of this helping me achieve my Ideal Life?

I am thankful for:

* the chance to do my student teaching correct and the progress I have made recently.
* the embarrassment of RPG riches at the moment and the capacity and scheduling to actually enjoy them (one weekly, one monthly, another which looks to be monthly).
* the Internet ;-)
* a grandmother who has been feeding me and giving me a roof over my head in exchange for not being alone for almost a year now.

I consciously commit to:

* keeping in touch with McGee and Season over the phone just a bit better (I am HIDEOUS at that kind of thing)
* getting back to work on my occult and educational studies (maybe even getting back to work on the writing of magickal utopian pedagogy)
* doing Daily Practice again.
* continuing to chew on my Ideal Life.

From Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology:

Cancer Horoscope for week of November 12, 2009

This will be a smooth, easy, and graceful week for you -- if, that is, you get yourself out of the way and allow the universe to do its job. Can you do that? It doesn't mean you should be passive or blank. On the contrary, in order for the cosmos to perform its magic, you should be on the lookout for what captivates your imagination and be primed to jump when life says "jump!" Be both relaxed and alert; receptive and excitable; surrendered to the truth and in intimate contact with your primal power. Then the song will sing itself. The dream will interpret itself. The beauty will reveal itself.





From AstroBarry.com":

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The relative extent to which you feel 'alone in the world', Cancer, has everything to do with how private you insist on keeping those most emotional parts of yourself. There's really no other way to look at that equation either: The more tightly you clutch your sensitivities to your chest (out of fear of rejection, of scaring away the other person with how 'needy' or 'messy' you imagine yourself to be), the more isolated you will feel from the important people in your life (or, for that matter, people altogether). On the other hand, you continue to face deeply profound opportunities to re-create the very manner in which you relate to others one-on-one … which basically boil down to you taking risks to disclose more of what goes on inside you, knowing you might indeed confront that very rejection you fear, though it's just as likely you'll develop richer intimacies than perhaps you've ever experienced. Go all in, and you could win really really big—or you could lose. But if you're already feeling 'alone in the world' because you're not even attempting to reach that most meaningful depth of interpersonal relating, what are you really 'losing' anyway?

• 19:22 @misscourtney She actually plays a rather medium-sized part in Buffy and gets a season in Angel. She was in the 2nd season of Roswell, too. #

• 14:03 RT @aenclade "There is no teachin, only learnin, information must be pulled in2 a willin brain, not pushd in2 a relunctant one" @Sal_Smalley #
• 14:16 San Jose Poetry Leftover Halloween Candy Slam is TONIGHT! It's at @maclaarte 510 South First Street, San Jose, at 8. $1 off with costume! #
• 15:01 Polyamory/Multi-Partnered Research Study: tristissima.livejournal.com/143778.html #

Study on Multiply Partnered People

Have you ever been in romantic and/or sexual relationships with two or more people
at the same time?

Were these relationships consensual among all parties, with each partner aware that
you were in multiple intimate relationships?

Did at least one of these relationships last one (1) year or longer?

Do you have a workable knowledge of written English?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are invited to share your experiences by
participating in research on polyamory and those who choose to openly and
consensually partner with multiple people simultaneously. If you and anyone you know
who is multiply partnered wish to contribute to this study, please go to the secure
research website or click on the link below to complete the on-line
confidential, brief (15 minute) survey.

http://spiritualpolyamory.questionpro.com

The researcher, Akhila E. A. Kolesar, is a doctoral student at the Institute of
Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, California. She may be reached at
polyresearcher@yahoo.com or 1-877-433-5143.

• 18:50 I'm at Barefoot. Anyone wanna keep me company? #

• 10:58 @krimhum - it's not actually for me (wrong field), but a friend of a friend. What's your e-mail? I can forward you their resume. #
• 11:23 RT @metaphorge: RT @whittles: Happy Birthday, Sesame Street! 40 years of transgressive kids TV - bit.ly/2mY6ze #
• 13:53 Going to spend the next couple of hours trolling for retail jobs. Anyone wanna keep me company? #
• 15:47 Why does Target need to know howbsatisfied I am with my life, how many politicians I think are honest, and how many clubs I was in in HS? #
• 16:31 Turned in 2 Barnes and Nobles applications and did a Target application. Not much for 2 hours I guess, but hopefully worth it nonetheless. #
• 16:47 I'm at Barefoot, if anyone wants to hang. #

( Butternut & Cider Stew with Shaved Fall Vegetables and Spiced Seeds )



( Honey-Bourbon-Orange-Buttermilk-Pastried Ham )



( Roasted Root Vegetables and Wild Rice with Sorghum, Apples, and Cider )



( Sumac-Dusted Bison with Steamed Thick Chantarelle-Butternut Squash Oven Sauce and Beets )



( Vanilla Jack Lobster Américaine )



( Green Curry Pork, Chicken, and Pinto Bean Nachos )